“I am Down on My Knees and Waiting for Something Beautiful.” A Lesson on Patience

This month is April, which is very exciting for us since that means its our 1 year anniversary. But it is also 1 year since we have been trying to get pregnant. And when I mentioned marriage stressors in a previous blog, trying to get pregnant definitely takes the cake. You would think that you meet the man of your dreams (which I did), fall madly in love (yes, did that), get married (check), have lots of sex (yep we’re doing it like rabbits), and then, bam! You’re pregnant. We’ll its not that easy. My husband and I have been through (what I have learned from other blogs) the “two week wait” where we will have lots o’ love making, then wait two weeks, cross our fingers and toes, NOT drink alcohol (just in case I’m preggers) and then boom, hello aunt flow. Welcome to my vagina. Not. I did not invite you.  Cue the tears. Bring on the tampons. Then start back at one.

Will has been as supportive as one man could possibly be. But I know it is driving him crazy to have a wife that is perseverating on Fallopian tubes, ovulation calenders, and basal body temperatures. He has had to dry my tears when I cry every month. He has put away his pride and gotten the humiliating sperm test (which was normal). He has gone with me to my doctors appointments (which were also all normal) and held my hand in the waiting room. But it wasn’t until this month when he said “maybe we should take a break from trying” that I realized how much this was affecting him. “TAKE A BREAK!?! ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS! WE JUST STARTED!” (That all-caps is me yelling). “Maybe we should just keep having fun and be patient. Its going to happen, you are going to have a baby one day.” I know he is right. I hate it when he is right. But its the not-knowing when that is killing me. I dont know when. Will it be this year? Next year? in 5 years? Patience has never been one of my virtues. Actually, I am not even sure what a virtue is. But I know patience is something that I will have to try.  I will just try to be positive and patient. If not for me. I should do it for my husband. If he can be patient with me taking my time to pick out an outfit, patient with meal times as I burn not one, but two dinner items, and patient with me while I cry through my stress each week. Then the least I can do is be patient for him.  For both of us.

Blog Title Song: NeedToBreath- Something Beautiful

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