I have been trying to write a blog post about a new handmade dress, but every time I get a chance to sit at the computer, I end up lost online with news on the shooting that happened last Wednesday here in Charleston. And then I wind up ending the evening in tears. And while Will blames my excessive crying on the fertility meds, the truth of the matter is that my heart is hurting. I am sad for the victims and their families but also sad that this is the world that I live in. The fact that I even typed “Charleston massacre” into google is crazy to me. The fact that a they have drills in schools and in work places on what to do in the event of a gunman, is crazy to me.. We didn’t have that when I was growing up. I felt safe to go to church or to school. Maybe it’s because I am now grown up, more cautious, and more aware. Or maybe the damn truth is that American is not as “safe”as we would like it to be. I am sad because it hurts me that people can be so mean to each other. That people can have so much hate in their hearts. Hate that caused a 21 year old boy to feel the need to kill 9 innocent humans, including one very sweet library who actually helped me find a travel book the other day.
For several years now, I have lived my life in fear of guns. Every single day. I got so anxious at the movie theater the other day because someone came in through the outside emergency exit door. I was so sure it was a shooter with a gun. Of course it wasn’t. But the fear was there. And I don’t want to go on about gun control because that is a whole different topic for another day. And if you try to reason with gun enthusiasts about gun control they will always throw the “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people” argument on the table. But in the case of last Wednesday it was a person WITH a gun that killed people. This guy said out loud he wanted to start a racial war. That is the issue here. Hate in that boy’s heart that was fueled by racism. That is what it all boiled down to. But he also owned a gun. American has a real issue when it comes to gun control. Because I can’t think of a single reason why hate + guns combined is ever going to be a good idea.
I sit here today at my computer. Partly because its 100 degrees outside. But mostly I spent today inside reflecting. And while I continue to hope, pray, and wish that my dreams of becoming a mother come true one day, if it does I want to make this promise right now: My child will never have such hate in his or her heart. That he will never feel he needs to raise a hand at someone. He will never feel the need to want to hurt anyone. And that he will love his neighbors, EVERY neighbor, no matter if they are black, white, transgendered, homosexual, disabled, or different in any way. He will fill his heart with love and only love and he will learn to pass that love along. Four days ago a jack ass, 21 year old tried to bring hate into my city. But my city is a strong one. Love has brought Charleston closer together. And I hope the rest of America will see that and we can all move together to show our children and our children’s children that we are better than this. American is better than that And it will be a better place if we stop being mean to each other, stop with the hate, and find ways to live together in peace.