When you live in a place like Charleston, where tank tops and beach days last all the way through December, every day can feel like a summer vacation. Somewhere in between the sunscreen and sandcastles, I blinked and suddenly we’re halfway through 2017. This time last year I was cooped up indoors with our new baby. And now here I am this summer with a wild little toddler. Seasons change and life moves along. And as I think about how fast time is moving, I’m reminded that my clock is ticking. Not just the little clock on my Apple watch but my 35 year old maternal clock.
Our journey towards getting pregnant with Liam was long and at times seemed hopeless. My dreams of wanting a big family started to diminish and I instead had begun to settle on: If I could just have one baby that would be fine. When you are trying to get pregnant, everything revolves around timing. You become obsessed over time. Long days which turned into two very long weeks, waiting for a + sign to appear on a stick. And then nothing. And then more waiting two more long weeks to ovulate so you can try it again. And around and around it goes. When something is so dependent on timing, ironically time moves by very slowly.
So here we are again trying for baby No. 2. Trying to get pregnant for the second time seems like the same old song and dance. Some things never change: Ovulation sticks, fertility smoothies and hormone injections. But this time seems so difference. The anxiety, hopelessness, and fear are all gone. Before Liam, we felt like we were just waiting: waiting to be parents and never knowing if we ever would. But now that he is here, a weight has been lifted. Adding another baby would just be the icing on the cake of a beautiful little family that we already have. We beat infertility once, maybe it will happen again. Maybe it won’t. But if this curly haired kid has taught me anything, it’s that there’s not enough time in the day to feel sad, to be anxious, or to feel sorry for yourself. Those days are in the past.
This post was originally written for skirt! magazine’s contributing blogger series and was published at the end of the summer, but I thought I should share it here as well. Enjoy!