finding room in my heart

I have suddenly begun to realize that the week days of “Mommy and Liam time” are about to come to an end. Our trips to Trader Joes on Monday where he tells me what I should buy and shouts his list of demands as I roam the aisles. Our rides around town running errands where he tells me “you be the girl and I be the boy” if a duet comes on the radio. Last minute trips to buy donuts where we ponder if we should not tell dad, or just get him a donut to-go. I know these are silly things that we can continue to do no matter how many babies or new brothers come around. But you get used to your little routine. And for the past almost three years it’s just been him and I on Monday- Friday during the days. Will and I never planned to have babies three years apart. In fact, we never really planned any of this I guess! But the one silver lining of our struggles with fertility is the extra time we have been given with just Liam. The gift of a sibling is the best thing you could ever give someone. And I know when Liam is all grown up and he thinks back on his childhood, he’ll always remember his brother being there, just as I have no memories that exist before my younger sister and brother.  And I know that I will soon have to make time, make energy, and make room in my heart for another little boy. And that makes me beyond excited. I know without doubt that I can make room in my heart for another. But a little part of me will always look back on the past three years and remember this small moment in our lives where the earth turned and the sun shined bright only for him. And what a wonderful three years it has been.

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